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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25806334">once there was a way (to get back home)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/gracieli/pseuds/gracieli'>gracieli</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Child Neglect, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Protective Maddie Buckley, brief mention of domestic violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:02:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,985</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25806334</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/gracieli/pseuds/gracieli</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Evan? Where are you calling me from?”</p><p> </p><p>in which a ten year old Buck tries to run away to Maddie's college with limited success and Maddie is there to pick up the pieces.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley &amp; Evan "Buck" Buckley's Parents, Evan "Buck" Buckley &amp; Maddie Buckley</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>133</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>once there was a way (to get back home)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>tw child neglect and a brief allusion to domestic violence</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s a Friday night and while most of the students in her dorm are out partying, Maddie is stuck in her room cramming for a microbiology exam she has on Monday. So far her first year of nursing school hadn’t been as terrible as she had anticipated, with the <em> sole </em> exception of her microbiology class. She’s just about finished with the study guide when her phone rings - distractedly, she picks it up. </p><p>A timid voice filters through. “Maddie?”</p><p>She recognizes her little brother’s voice instantly but when she looks down at the caller ID, it’s not a number she knows. </p><p>“Evan? Where are you calling me from?”</p><p>There’s a small whimper before he answers, “I-I don’t know. I tried to take the bus to your school but I think I got off at the wrong stop and now I don’t know where I am.” </p><p>Alarms are sounding off in her mind and a wave of fear rushes over her, but Maddie’s always prided herself on her ability to keep a level head in most any situation, so she calmly asks, “Okay Evan, can you tell me what’s around you?”</p><p>He sniffles before taking a deep breath in. “Um, there’s a Wawa and a McDonald’s.”</p><p>She tries not to panic as she thinks that could really be anywhere in Pennsylvania. </p><p>Maddie tries, “Do you see any street signs?”</p><p>A moment passes before he chokes out, “Whitehall? I think it says Whitehall.”</p><p>That, she can work with. </p><p>“That’s great, Evan. I think you’re actually pretty close to me, so I’ll come pick you up. I can be there in ten but I need to hang up to get you to. Are you gonna be okay?” </p><p>“Yeah,” he mumbles quietly. She doesn’t know how much she can trust that but she doesn’t have much of a choice.</p><p>“Ok, I’ll see you soon, bug.” </p><p>She gathers her keys and wallet and rushes out to the car as soon as she’s off the phone with him. Maddie has no idea what her ten year old brother is doing alone in an unfamiliar city on a cold winter night but she tries to shove the panic down and focus on just getting to Evan. The last thing she needs is to get in a car crash on the way to him. </p><p>It ends up taking her five minutes to get there (so she may have sped a little, sue her), and as she parks the car, she can see the outline of a child sitting inside a telephone booth. Maddie makes her way over and when she opens the door, she finds Evan curled up against the wall, his face shoved into his knees and his arms wrapped around his legs. His entire body is shaking and when he looks up at her, she can see his eyes are red and wet and sad. </p><p>“Oh, Evan.” She kneels and gathers him in her arms, trying to provide as much warmth and comfort as she can. He shoves his face into her shoulder and clings to her. </p><p>“I’m sorry Maddie, I’m really sorry.”</p><p>She leans her cheek on his head and kisses his soft curls before she says, “Don’t be. I’m really glad you called, okay?”</p><p>Evan just nods against her and sighs miserably. She’s already freezing and if the way her little brother is trembling against her says anything, she’d be willing to bet he is as well. After a few moments of heavy silence pass, Maddie helps lift him up and walks them both back to her car. When they get inside, she’s quick to turn the heat on all the way. </p><p>Maddie allows them both a moment to thaw out before she turns to face him.</p><p>“Why did you run away, Evan?” she asks softly. </p><p>For some reason he seems caught off guard but he still responds in a small voice, “I - They don’t care about me anymore, Maddie.”</p><p>She frowns, a knot forming in her stomach. “Did something happen?”</p><p>His face scrunches up and she can tell he’s trying to not cry again. He crosses his arms and turns away from her, trying to put as much space between them as he can. </p><p>“It’s stupid.”</p><p>“Evan,” she chides softly, “It’s not stupid if it upset you.”</p><p>He turns back and considers her for a moment before his resolve seems to weaken. His breath hitches before he responds. </p><p>“Today was parent appreciation day at school and there was gonna be a big party in my class. I-I told mom and dad about it last week and they said that they would come, but they didn’t - they didn’t come. Everyone else’s parents were there and I was all alone and I just-” he takes a shaky breath, “I just really wanted them to come.”</p><p>A small sob escapes him and although the car is dark, Maddie can’t miss the glint of the fat tears that begin to slip down his cheeks. Something in her twists painfully at the sight. </p><p>“When I got home and asked about it, they said they forgot but I-I don’t know. I could tell they didn’t want to go in the first place.”</p><p>“Evan-”</p><p>She reaches out to him to comfort him but just like that, his guard rises back up; he shrugs off her hand and turns away from her again, staring stubbornly outside the window. </p><p>“It’s nothing, Maddie,” he says, even as he swipes at his tears. “I just feel stupid because I really thought they would come this time, you know? But I should’ve known.”</p><p>She wishes, not for the first time, that they had parents who could love and support her little brother as he needed, who didn’t teach him to expect disappointment when he tried to reach out to them. Maddie often worries that their parents’ coldness will eventually destroy Evan, freeze him from the inside out and drain him of his warmth and light. In her heart she knows that her mom and dad aren’t bad people, that they just never should have been parents, but it doesn’t erase the harm they’ve inadvertently caused. Resentment and anger grip her but she does her best to push those feelings aside for now - they won’t help her brother.</p><p>Maddie sighs, “They love you, Evan, really. They’re just selfish and they don’t get it, okay? But it has nothing to do with you.” </p><p>He rolls his eyes bitterly. “Yeah, sure.”</p><p>And <em> God</em>, Maddie really wants to cry at that, but she just leans closer and takes both of his hands in hers. </p><p>“Evan, look at me. There is nothing wrong with you - not at all. You are kind and smart and funny. Not to mention you’re my <em> favorite </em> little brother.” She throws the last part in hoping it will break through his gloomy mood. </p><p>It works, and he chokes out a wet giggle. “I’m your <em> only </em> little brother, Maddie.”</p><p>She laughs with him. “Doesn’t make it any less true. I wouldn’t trade you for anyone else.”</p><p>His face falls just a bit and he bites at his lip, seeming to consider his words for a moment. </p><p>“I really miss you, Maddie. It sucks without you.”</p><p>“I miss you too, Evan. All the time.” </p><p>Maddie squeezes his hands before she continues. “You can always call me and I’ll always pick up for you, okay? But you can’t run away and put yourself in danger like this anymore. I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to you.”</p><p>“Okay. I’m really sorry Maddie,” he says sadly. </p><p>She just smiles at him. “You’re okay, that’s all that matters.”</p><p>Maddie eventually drives them back to their house a few hours away and she realizes their parents aren’t even home. Maddie wouldn’t be surprised if they hadn’t even noticed her brother was missing but she doesn’t say this to him. Instead, she herds him inside and up to her room, where everything is just as she left it. </p><p>She remembers how she used to make blanket forts with him in this room, or how he’d lay out on her floor and draw while she worked on her homework, or how he’d come into her room and curl up next to her whenever he had a nightmare. Her heart twists at the idea that he won’t always be this young, that he won’t always need her. She just hopes that the years ahead of her brother are kind to him, that they let him stay soft and gentle. </p><p>They both get changed into pajamas and climb underneath the heavy blankets. Evan clings to her like a little monkey and she just holds him, brushing her hand through his soft curls. </p><p>The house is cold and silent so she whispers in the dark, “Hey, do you wanna hear about what I’m learning in school?”</p><p>Evan looks up at her and nods, so Maddie rambles on about the different bacteria she just finished studying, talks about how they look and grow and live. He listens attentively, always eager to learn, but at some point he struggles to keep his eyes open and slowly falls asleep in her arms. She isn’t far behind, allowing herself to finally relax and succumb to sleep once she is sure that her brother is okay for the night. </p><p>Maddie sticks around for the rest of the weekend, reluctant to leave Evan just yet. It had been over a month since she was able to make it back home from college, anyway, so she uses the weekend to make up for lost time. She helps him with his homework and lets him teach her all about tectonic plates; in return, he lets her continue the impromptu microbiology lecture she had started the night before. They go sledding on the hill just past their backyard, watch Disney movies, make hot chocolate, build a snowman - anything to keep the smile on her little brother’s face. </p><p>Their parents come and go throughout, checking in on their children every now and then, but for the most part it is just the two of them, as it had always been. </p><p>When she eventually leaves to return to campus Sunday evening, she crouches down in front of him and pulls him into a hug.</p><p>She kisses into his hairline and says, “I’ll always be here for you, okay? I promise.” </p><p>He breaks out of her hold and offers his pinky to her, smiling. “Pinky promise?”</p><p>She locks his pinky with his, cupping their joined fingers with her other hand. “Pinky promise.” </p><p>After a final hug, Maddie gets in her car and leaves, but she keeps her promise and answers every time he calls, visits home when she can and sends him letters and small gifts when she can’t. She keeps her promise up until the day she meets Doug, a year later. Guilt eats away at her as she slowly distances herself from her little brother, but she realizes that she has to protect him, has to protect herself too. By the time Maddie can even recognize the storm she’s been caught up in what it is, she knows she is trapped. She might not be able to save herself but the least she can do is not drag her baby brother in with her. </p><p>It doesn’t stop her from listening to every voicemail he leaves and reading every email he sends. Even if she can’t respond, she has to know that he’s okay, that she didn’t break him like she had her promise. </p><p>When he runs away the next and last time, she isn’t there to see it and he goes places she can’t follow. Even so, he never stops reaching out and one day she finally runs away too, runs across the country and back to him. Years later, she makes him the same promise she had made all that time ago, and he trusts her and she stays.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>mmm idk if i love this one, but i do love maddie and buck’s relationship very much so here we are. </p><p>kudos and comments are always very appreciated!</p><p>i’m @gracieli on tumblr if anyone wants to say hi!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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